The Countdown

Not much longer for this training. I have this week, then a 96 (4 day weekend) then one day, then a wakeup and I leave. Good riddance. Missouri is misery.

However, I must say I do prefer my time spent active duty than my time in the civilian world. If I was sent to say, Okinawa or Camp Pendleton I wouldn't mind being active duty. It just feels like that's how it's meant to be. If only college wasn't in my way. I think once I graduate I'm doing everything in my power to be active, even if it means a deployment.

I'm taking this last bit of time here to once again start talking to the people at home, to prepare myself for being back in that lifestyle for a few weeks. I'm not really putting that much concern into girls around here like I was before. I'm still talking to the one but I don't care what happens. My thoughts are on my hometown again. I just wish I could be active duty and still be close to home. Would never happen. All I can do now is finish these last road tests and count the days.

7 tons of updates

Really not as easy to update as I wish.

As said before, I've been in Missouri for training. I passed the Humvee test and am getting used to MTVRs, also called 7 tons. So far I'm at the top of the class with a perfect 100% average. Easy.

I rarely even try contacting my friends at home anymore other than the weekly call to the parents. It's really just so rare to get an answer or get to talk that it's like contacting them is too much effort on my part just to not talk. Very, VERY occasionally I talk to maybe one or two people, but nothing special.

I don't really spend much time in my room, as I don't really like the room mate whos with me from back home. I find myself talking more with a select few people. I even left base for the first time since coming here to get a hotel and party with a few. Still not my cup of tea but at least it's something new.

One of the main reasons I came out this weekend was to talk more with a certain girl. This girl is by no means anything special, but she's got the type of flirt to her that makes me stick around her more, and she needs help understanding the 7 ton so I help her out with that since I understand a lot of it. She is part of this group I went out with, yet they didn't tell her where they were going, basically ditched her because apparently they actually find her annoying and stupid even though she means good. I can see where this comes from, she's very naive and innocent, only just turned 18. I can't say much though since I don't know her too well. Maybe these next few weeks I'll get to though.

I find myself wishing I was active duty. The parts of being sent wherever they need me instead of to a reserve station close to home are an iffy idea, but the idea of waking up at 0430 every day really isn't bad. I exercise a bunch and even though I'm that unmotivated terminal lance corporal, I'm secretly really enjoying active duty life. I'm really kept busy and even though theres nothing to do in missouri I still feel comfortable in the atmosphere of these other PFCs and all in the platoon. I guess theres nothing I can do now, it's already been 2 years I might as well just see where the road takes me.

Nothing

It's what the poor have, the rich want, what's stronger than God, what's worse than Satan.

Sitting here in the middle of nowhere, I barely have heard from anyone lately. The closest of friends may as well be nonexistent, and on small occasion I might exchange a few messages with someone before they go on with their life.

I'm in a rut. Not wanting emotion, because of how much emotion will become upsetting, yet also feeling a sad emptiness over being nothing. No one's really there for me right now, and it's not like I really have problems, but to base my purpose on my friends, and to feel as if there is nothing, I am nothing.