Since there is no life here for me, all that I really have to my life is the lives of those who mean anything to me. Lets consider myself X, and consider Y to be a girl who really means the world to me, who is in a relationship with my good friend Z. Z has been complaining for months, and just before I left he ended their 4 year relationship. Y has been a mess, and caring, I was trying to be there for her, even though I'm now around 2000 miles away. So I'm not there to see what's going on, X says A to Z, Z says B about X to Y, Y says C to X which is completely not what Z was saying to X, but now Y is mad at X over what Z says, Z is mad at Y over what X says, and X is mad at Z over what Y says. The whole alphabet, in turn, explodes into a cluster.
Okay enough analogies. I just care about the girl, and all this time my friend is telling me the girl has plum lost her mind, standing outside his house where he doesn't want to come outside and deal with her, or at least that's what he tells me. It makes me worry about her, and then me worrying about them both and trying to talk and help from this distance any way I can only makes things worse, because according to her things are going better and they talked and are friends again or whatever. I don't know what's actually happening since I'm so far away, so the confusion causes more drama, and then she extremely doesn't trust me because I talk to him. Everything that happens just gets worse and worse for me and no one else.
Is that my purpose maybe? He just says it's because they want to settle things themselves and I want to be concerned. Everyone else doesn't care because they have their own problems to worry about. What do I have to life? Nothing. All I have to my life is the ones that mean most to me. And I don't even care if I'm alive or not as long as I can actually be there for those people. It's my sole purpose in life because my own life really doesn't matter for anything. This was why I preferred just never having emotions or anything. The minute I start to care, or feel anything, my world is the one that goes to trash, and always mine. And the worst part is, it's always all the negative things that get relayed to other people. Any of the positive things such as the way I care or anything that would help someone understand my motives and actions better? That will never be heard by other people. The good just gets lost in everyone else's negativity and I am left an empty shell yet again. Go figure.
No comments:
Post a Comment