New Year, New Decade, New Blog

So then, 2010. Do we call that two thousand ten? Twenty-ten? what about how we called 2009 "'09" as in "oh nine"? Do we just abreviate this year as Ten? I don't know.

Anyway, why start a blog? Well, I used to have an online journal type thing back in high school. The stupid typical high school angst that we today look at as if we must have lost our minds at that age. I'm not looking to make a blog like that again. Instead I'm making a blog about my thoughts. There's only one person I know who I feel I can discuss things with intellectually, yet sometimes I feel like my feelings and ideas could have more value than just a talk with a friend. Maybe I'll want to remember these thoughts one day. Perhaps some random person will come across my blog and become inspired by it, or have an opinion on one of my opinions, adding more open mindedness to my thoughts. We'll see what happens.

So New Year's resolution. Should I do what I've done every year for the last four years, and make it a goal to find a girlfriend? No, I'm tired of not succeeding. Let's put a resolution together that I can actually work towards and succeed with. Self Development. I can't say I've been the happiest person in the world, especially throughout "oh nine." I've slowly been deteriorating into an empty shell of a human being, wondering if I even have a soul anymore, and never even having the motivation to get out of bed, because what could possibly go right if I bother waking up? It's time to change that, because the only way I'm going to get anywhere in life is to unfuck myself.

Instead of this being a one track goal, it's multiple goals all stuffed together. Anything I can possibly to do better myself, I want to do. Anything that I feel I need to stop with or at least do less of, I want to stop. I won't succeed at every single minute detail, but I will succeed in some, and a success in some is a success in general, so it's already a plus in comparison to the girlfriend resolution. Yes I still want a girlfriend, but when I've dug myself into such a deep hole where I don't even know what "emotion" really is, then it's time to change my priorities. The possibility of love, whether it exists or not, can wait. It sure won't come running to me now, but if I better myself, I'll actually feel happy again, whatever that feels like. When I'm happy with myself and I'm a better person in any ways, I won't need to worry about a lack of love, it'll find me, because it'll be attracted to my success and my lifestyle. And if love turns out to be nonexistant like I often ponder, then oh well. At least I'm a better person in the end either way.